Don't Stare At The Rearview Mirror (MINISODE)

Sometimes it's okay to reflect on the past, but you will not last long if you keep staring at that rearview mirror while driving forward!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Reflections on Gloria Hines Interview
• 1:09 Personal Birth Experiences and Regrets
• 3:21 Looking Forward Instead of Backward
• 5:18 Supporting My Children's Future Births
• 7:41 Call for Home Birth Stories

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back to another mini-sode. What did you guys think of this episode with Gloria Hines, the midwife? I will be honest and vulnerable for a minute. While she was talking about the story of the child with anencephaly, I started feeling a little queasy. I'm not going to lie. Only by God's grace was I able to finish that interview, because I did feel it. There you go Now. You get a little glimpse into just how queasy I can get over random things. Again, nothing was shown, but we talked about it and I'm a very visual person. So, yeah, there's that. Oh, you guys are finding out I am something weird.

Speaker 1: 0:52

Anyways, this episode was very encouraging for me and a little bittersweet, I suppose, because I had mentioned in my first two births I was not mentally present there. I had a lot of baggage and just wasn't there. During my other three births I was a little more present, but still very scared to have C-sections, even though I already knew what was going to happen because I had had them before. By the time I got to my fifth child I wasn't so scared. There were still moments where I either came close to passing out or maybe I did. Each birth has been very different for me, but that's always been the constant is I either passed out or came really close to it. That's a thing with me. I'm not kidding. Ask anyone close to me, they'll know.

Speaker 1: 1:47

But I really feel like I missed out on a perfect opportunity to see the depth of how important birth is. Not because I had a C-section I don't regret my C-sections. I know some people do. And when I tell them I had a C-section or have don't regret my C-sections, I know some people do. And when I tell them I had a C-section or have had five, they just kind of look at me like oh, poor thing. Or they're just surprised. And when they find out that I asked for them, sometimes I get judgmental looks. But I don't care because I did not want to go through the other experience of doing it what people call the natural way. I knew me and I would not be able to handle it. I mean, come on, I told you I was almost passed out while hearing Gloria talking about that birth situation, so I don't think I would have made it through my birth. I probably wouldn't have been present for it.

Speaker 1: 2:43

Anyways, I feel like I missed out on an opportunity to have a midwife walk me through everything and help me in ways that maybe I didn't think would be part of the birth experience For my first two children. I think that would have been very helpful to have a midwife who is asking me what is it like at home, how do you feel? How do you feel spiritually. These things would have been helpful for me and in the long run it probably could have helped me mentally and I could have been in a better place where maybe I did remember things that happened during my birth or with my children in their younger years. Maybe it could have helped my daughter and I not even have to go through situations that we went through because they found out what kind of a person her father was.

Speaker 1: 3:34

Regardless, it is what it is. Life happened the way it happened and God has done miraculous things through it. So I'm not looking back on like, oh, I wish I could have. I'm just mulling over and thinking and I know you've done it before with things in your life too where you sit there and you think you know what this could have gone better or I kind of wish I could have done something with this. I think it's okay to do that, but we can't stay there, we can't live there. We can't be depressed. We have to just realize okay, yes, we wish things could have been different, but they aren't. Look at how God has used what did happen and move forward.

Speaker 1: 4:11

I don't think there's anything wrong with looking back, but if you stay looking back, then that's a problem, Because when you look at driving, you don't stare at the rearview mirror the whole time. You're not going to get anywhere. You're probably going to get hurt or worse. You're supposed to be staring at the big window in front of you. Occasionally you can look back for safety reasons or other reasons, and that's kind of a great metaphor for life as well. We should not be looking in the rearview mirror the whole time. We need to be looking forward, but occasionally you can look back and you can see if there's any dangers, if there's anything going on that you need to be aware of.

Speaker 1: 4:48

And that's kind of where I was while I was hearing her talk and the importance of what a midwife does for every part of the birthing experience, and I just missed out on that. That's basically what I felt is that I just missed out on it. No, I'm not going to have any more kids so that I can have a midwife and have a home birth. I have five kids. I'm good. I'm good. I don't want any more. I'm too old for that. But it gave me a new perspective. When my kids get older, I can be there for them in ways that I was not there for myself. Starting to cry here when my daughters are having their children, I can be present for them in the way that I wish I was present at their own births and just listening to I mean, I don't know how long I'll be coherent, you know when my kids have their own children, but I do want to be there for them in whatever capacity I can, until I no longer can. But this was just a very, very encouraging episode for me. Yes, I may have lost out on that experience, but it gave me hope that one day I can give it to my kids. I can point them in the right directions. I'm learning so much as they're going through this time in their lives, when their lives are about to change for the better because they're about to have their own kids. I can be there for them and share my experiences, share their experiences, and I can look back on that and realize that I may not have been there in my own birth the way I would have liked, but God's being gracious to me and he's allowing me a chance to do that with my children. Granted, none of my children are old enough to have kids. They're all not married. Some of them aren't even sure they want to have kids. But regardless of what happens in the future, I want to be present in this experience, should it happen.

Speaker 1: 7:29

If you have had a home birth or you're a doula or you're a midwife and you're listening to this, email me and tell me what your experience was like. I would love to hear it. I would love to hear your most amazing birth stories of how you had home births. That's something I've never done and I didn't. I kind of grew up thinking that that was a thing you're not supposed to do. That's just how I was programmed, from how the hospitals talk about it and how people talked about it back in the day, so it's not something I ever thought. Personally, I just you can probably relate. That's just a thing that was taught is that you have a baby at a hospital. That's the safest place to do it, and anyone who's been paying attention since 2020 realizes that they were lying to you.

Speaker 1: 8:16

But I am very curious. I've had a few friends who have done home births and I find it so fascinating and it almost just makes sense to do it at home. Like Gloria was saying, you feel more at peace, you feel more comfortable. That is your space, that's where you're used to being. Why wouldn't you want to have your child there? I mean, unless there's absolute complications, I don't see why you would have to go to a hospital. But that's a tangent we're not going to go into. If you have a home birth story, please share it with me. If you have a midwife or doula story, share that with me too. Thank you for tuning in today to my ramblings. I hope you got something amazing out of it. Have a great day. Bye.